How our adoption journey started

I decided to blog about this so I have a record of our journey to share with Sarah when she is older and able to understand.  Here it goes..


So, we are on the adoption train.  Really?  How in the world did this happen?  What about that comment we always said to folks about starting our family early..."We will be in our 40's when the kids leave home! Party time!"  Well all has changed!


Where did this adoption journey start?  Well, it started about 7 or 8 years ago.  We felt a pull in our heart to adopt.  We felt we were getting nudges about looking into the possibility.  We researched, sent for information from adoption services, etc.  However, we just never felt the final push to pull the trigger.  We have friends that have adopted and admired their journey and supported them in their endeavors but we just didn't feel like it was the right time.  It never became the right time for us.


Then, 3 years ago we were faced with a situation personal to us regarding adoption.  I remember the night very clearly.  You see, I am a youth leader at my church and have developed some amazing connections with some amazing kids.  I cherish my mentor - student relationships with my youth girls.  I don't have biological girl children, or even any nieces to bond with.  My high school youth girls mean the world to me.  They are like my own kids!  One youth ministry meeting in the fall of 2008 I was approached by some girls regarding one of our youth kids who was especially upset.  I went to her to speak with her and pray with her.  Turns out her sister (who was 15 at the time) was pregnant and considering abortion.  She was very adamant that abortion was wrong and desperately wanted to talk some sense into her sister!  I also knew her sister well (as I was her youth leader specifically - not to mention her 7th grade math teacher back in the day) and I told her immediately that she needed to tell her sister that we would adopt her baby no matter what and she did not need to abort!  I urged her to tell her sister and her mom to call me right away so we could talk.


Amazingly, the 15 year old (for the purposes of this blog I will call her SS) decided not to abort and was happy with the idea of an open adoption between our families.  I was thrilled at the prospect of parenting again, although very overwhelmed at the thought of a newborn.  At the time my own boys were 10 and 13 so it had been quite awhile since we did the "baby thing."  I was willing to go there, though, because it meant a better life for that baby and a way for SS to preserve her childhood.  Everyone seemed to be on board in thinking this was the best plan for this family.


Around Christmas time that year (baby was due in April) SS was still going back and forth, back and forth with her decision to parent or to choose adoption.  She is the type of teenager that could never get enough attention, loved creating drama, and very indecisive about most things (well, that is probably like most teens right?  She was to the max though!).  Jay and I never became "all in" with the adoption plan at this point because she was so wishy washy.  We decided that she needed to have a specific date to make a final decision so we could get the legal side of things going.  We gave her until the first of the year.  When January 1, 2009 came, she just couldn't make that mature decision to choose adoption.  I think she was concerned with all of the attention following the baby to us and away from her.  She desperately wanted someone to love her deeply.  She had no idea how hard it would be even though all of the adults in her life tried to advise her about it.  She was just a lost 15 year old who couldn't make that difficult choice.


We felt at that time disappointed but not crushed.  We never let ourselves get completely taken in and said to ourselves that if the only purpose God had for us in this journey was to disrupt the abortion decision, then we were used in mighty way and were honored to fill that role.  Throughout the course of the birth (I went to the hospital to see the family.  Pray with them, etc.) and the first several years of Sarah's life (yes, she had a girl named Sarah Elizabeth) I continued to check in on the family frequently.  I would see SS and Sarah at church from time to time.  I helped SS with a class she was taking about teacher education.  I prayed for them a lot.  One thing that I wouldn't let happen, however, was to be taken advantage of by SS.  She would try to get us to watch Sarah for long weekends or take on some care taking roles, but we would always respond by saying, "you can both come over!" because we wanted her to take on the parenting responsibilities that she chose to have.


About 2 months ago we found out that SS was moving to her hometown in Missouri.  She is still seeking for approval from her father (who never had much to do with her growing up) and this is where her father lives.  She didn't like the fact that her mother held her responsible for taking care of Sarah.  She didn't like that her mother was making her find a job and go to school.  She didn't want her mother to have a say in who she was dating, etc.  She was ready to leave the state and start over....with Sarah in tow.  We were all very worried about her taking Sarah with her since she didn't have a job and about $100 and a tank of gas to her name.  Her mom talked her into leaving Sarah here with the hope that another family member would bring her to MO around the time of the holidays once they were all settled.  SS agreed to this plan.


So, the day she was leaving was a Sunday.  She came to church that morning so she could say goodbye to all of us that continued to mentor and support her.  I asked if she would step out alone with me so I could pray with her.  I told her at that time that my wish for her was to be successful and happy doing exactly what God put her on this earth to do.  I also shared with her that the offer to adopt was never off of the table, and she needed to know that.  I also encouraged her to really pray about what she wanted for herself and her daughter as she was getting time away from the situation for awhile.  I sincerely wanted the best for her and her family and I would always be there to pray, talk, or anything else she needed.  She left that day with the boyfriend, leaving Sarah with her mom.


About a month after SS left, I get a phone call - on a Friday night after Jay and our youngest Evan left for a middle school church retreat with youth.  It was SS.  She was very sombre and said she needed to talk.  I told her I would always be there to listen.  She proceeded to ask me if we would adopt Sarah.  I was in shock.  I really thought that journey was over.  I really did!  She said that she wanted Sarah to have a home with a mom and dad and brothers who love her and give her the opportunities she wouldn't get if she stayed with SS.  I asked what she wanted us to do next and she said to start the paperwork.  Wow - crazy right?  I made it clear that we weren't willing to go on a roller coaster ride again - no yes today no tomorrow type of journey.  I said that it would KILL ME if we started the process and it didn't go through.  She promised that this was for real this time and she would not do that to me again.  I called Jay after I got off of the phone with SS and he was just as shocked as I was.  He had a body of believers who had been on this journey with us who supported him all weekend and it was amazing!


So - we are adopting - what a crazy ride this has been.  Stay tuned to the next article on what happened next.