So, now you know the background of how this adoption journey started. Our mantra through this entire process has been "One more step" because if you try to process all of it all at once, it would be like drinking from a fire hose!
Once I spoke with SS's mom I felt more certain that this was for real and it was really going to happen. Of course, I was not willing to put myself really out there right away. You have to protect yourself somewhat you know. I asked a very great friend of mine Jena Penner who has been in the adoption circle for awhile now (she adopted 2 kids from Uganda to add to her 4 biokids to make their "6-pack") and asked her some of the basic questions. Things like, "How long does this take? Who do I need to contact? How soon can we have her spend time with us? etc." She had a few answers and gave me some great resources to use as I began the research process.
One of the first things I learned is that in North Carolina there is a 7 day waiting period, "the you can change your mind" time where the biological parents can back out. Usually this happens after the birth (when newborns are adopted) but it also applies in older child adoptions as well. This period begins once the biological parents sign over their parental rights. I was kind of shocked it was such a short period of time, but relieved at the same time. I also learned that we had choices as to going through an adoption agency (which would be expensive) or go through an adoption attorney. We chose to find a family law attorney that handled adoptions.
For all of you locals that listen to WBFJ you will recognize the attorneys of Hartsoe and Associates. We chose to schedule an appointment with them to find out about how to get this process started. I got the basic information I needed from SS's mom (by now we are communicating almost daily) about SS and the birth father. I phoned the birth father's parents to let them know what was going on. They agreed to contact the birth father and give him the basics of what was happening. They shared with me that there wouldn't be any contesting on his part and to just keep him in the loop of what was happening with the adoption.
So off to the lawyer we go. I had a huge list of questions - anyone who knows me has experienced the fact that when I am faced with something I turn it into a research project. When we found out my older son had ADD and a Learning Disability, I became an expert on those subjects. When my younger son began to have hair falling out and eventually became bald, I became and expert on Alopecia. This was no different for me. I wanted to know everything I needed to know so that I had a handle on how this whole thing was going to work. As it turns out, we ended up just talking more than anything with the attorney and he gave us the run down on how things would play out. There are no guarantees, it could take time, and he would be available and keep us in the loop through the entire process. We felt like we could trust him and agreed to get the ball rolling.
During this entire time, there continued to be an open dialogue with SS. She continued to seem steadfast in her decision despite some contrary opinions of people in her life. She assured me that this decision was made and she was going to stick to it. You know how that is though, couldn't really trust it. We decided not to begin visiting with Sarah until after the 7 day wait period was over - just to try and protect our hearts. SS's mom (from now on I will refer to her as Nana) understood and said she was willing to begin visiting whenever we were ready. We signed our agreement with the law firm and the waiting now began.
Stay tuned for the next installment of the "paperwork process." Our journey was just beginning...
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