So today was my last day of work until February. It will be hard to let go, however I know that it is what we need to do for important bonding time with Sarah. It is a blessing that I will be able to take January off and Jay gets 2 paid weeks so he will be having those in January also! We plan to play a lot, maybe do a trip up to VA and do some fun things around town. I am so looking forward to this fun time!
We met with our social worker regarding our home study this week. It looks like everything is a go to get things rolling by the beginning of January. Timing couldn't be better. We begin our first meetings the first week of January and if things go as planned (which I never hold my breath on that idea) we should get everything done and the adoption will be final by the end of January. The finality of the process will be a huge relief. I knew this would be stressful, but I guess until you are in the throws of it you don't really know. It is probably similar to having a birth for the first time. You think you know how it will be by reading the books, talking to other moms, etc. but until you have that child you really don't really know.
Sarah will be with her Nanna and Great Grandma over the holiday weekend. Originally we were going to have her Christmas morning, but her Aunt (who she has always lived with) was very sad over the fact that she was not going to be there. Nanna asked if they could do one last Christmas morning with her. I figure we have the rest of her life to have Christmas morning, we can give them this one. We will have her most of this week, though which will be nice.
Unfortunately when I got her today she seemed a bit feverish and not feeling very well. Realized we didn't have an appropriate thermometer to check her for fever. Oops! The only Children's Tylenol we had expired in 2005. Oops again! See, these are the things that we forget about when our kids get older. That and toddler speak. I have had to try and become an expert at that again too! After a quick trip to the drug store, we have discovered that she has a low grade fever and a trip to the doctor is in our plan for tomorrow. Poor Sarah!
What more have we relearned from being with Sarah? Bath time is FUN! Dora the Explorer shouldn't be watched with the sarcastic 16 year old (though very comical). Sometimes you NEED Choc-o-late at 9 o'clock in the morning and sometimes cookies make your tummy feel better. Buddy (the dog) can't play with the i-pod. Waking up to a 2 year old singing and "reading" her books is joyful. Looking at dresses online is addicting. Hearing the words "mamma Cindy" and "Daddy Jay" can be the sweetest words on the planet. Yep - we are making ONE MORE STEP.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I sure hope we don't screw her up!
So we have spent a lot of time with Sarah over the last week! It has been truly wonderful. We found out that Jay's parents (grandma and grandpa Dietrich) were coming in town this past weekend to meet Sarah and spend time with their first grand daughter! They ended up being the first of our families to make it down to meet Miss Sarah. Grandma brought all of the fixins to make cookies with Sarah - cookie cutters, icing, colored sugar sprinkles, etc. They also came with some cute clothes for her as well (wouldn't have expected anything less from Grandma!). They were ready for some quality time for sure!
Jay and I were thrown an adoption shower from our dear friends Michelle Lyons and Donna Heinz on Saturday as well. We had some fabulous friends come and celebrate the best Christmas gift ever given. They showered us with delicious food, cute items for the bath and play time and special things to hang on the wall in her room. The best part, however, was just having the amazing company of some really great people.
Sunday we went to Church and did our regular Sunday routine. We enjoyed the weekend tremendously. We knew we had some extra time that would be spent with Sarah this week due to the fact that we had to set up alternative child care for her (her daycare was closed this week). We have wonderful friends who were willing to jump in and help with her care for the week. Donna Heinz had her on Monday and she was like, "This child is the closest thing to Jesus I have ever met!" She said that she was polite, sweet, not whiny, listened and did what she was asked, etc. She even said that if she could dial up another child and it would look like Sarah she would do it in a heartbeat! Her visit with Katie today was much of the same. Katie couldn't believe that she was as "easy" as she was today. Katie babysits A LOT and she said that Sarah by far was the best little one she has ever watched.
This, then, begs the question - Do we think that we have what it takes not to mess her up? It is clear that her grandmother and great grandmother have done a fabulous job raising her to this point. She is smart, has impeccable manners, a sweet personality, very helpful, and overall a special angel. I sure hope what we have to offer continues her journey in this manner and not turns her into a negative direction! Our prayer is that we will continue her on this amazing journey of life with solid parenting, a great deal of love, and positive discipline.
All I know is, I sure hope we don't screw her up!
Jay and I were thrown an adoption shower from our dear friends Michelle Lyons and Donna Heinz on Saturday as well. We had some fabulous friends come and celebrate the best Christmas gift ever given. They showered us with delicious food, cute items for the bath and play time and special things to hang on the wall in her room. The best part, however, was just having the amazing company of some really great people.
Sunday we went to Church and did our regular Sunday routine. We enjoyed the weekend tremendously. We knew we had some extra time that would be spent with Sarah this week due to the fact that we had to set up alternative child care for her (her daycare was closed this week). We have wonderful friends who were willing to jump in and help with her care for the week. Donna Heinz had her on Monday and she was like, "This child is the closest thing to Jesus I have ever met!" She said that she was polite, sweet, not whiny, listened and did what she was asked, etc. She even said that if she could dial up another child and it would look like Sarah she would do it in a heartbeat! Her visit with Katie today was much of the same. Katie couldn't believe that she was as "easy" as she was today. Katie babysits A LOT and she said that Sarah by far was the best little one she has ever watched.
This, then, begs the question - Do we think that we have what it takes not to mess her up? It is clear that her grandmother and great grandmother have done a fabulous job raising her to this point. She is smart, has impeccable manners, a sweet personality, very helpful, and overall a special angel. I sure hope what we have to offer continues her journey in this manner and not turns her into a negative direction! Our prayer is that we will continue her on this amazing journey of life with solid parenting, a great deal of love, and positive discipline.
All I know is, I sure hope we don't screw her up!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Today was a big step!
We went to the lawyer's office today to sign the petition to adopt forms. Jay and I just looked at one another in awe like, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!! So hard to believe. The icing on the cake was that we picked up Sarah from daycare today because her nanna had a late meeting. We got to hang out together tonight, she "helped" Jay make dinner. Her laughter, her excited reaction to seeing us, her zest for life, her cute facial expressions...all of this just makes our day. What a great day it will be when we get to have that EVERY day of the week!
What does this mean next? Well, we are going with a place called Love Links to do our home study. The director, Joy, and I have spoken briefly about what her needs are to complete the study and we will set our first appointment soon and get the required documentation to her. She let us know that there will be a required 4 visits (2 together with her and one with me alone and one with Jay alone). The lawyers office was hopeful that we could possibly try and fit these in very quickly and still get it done and through the courts by the end of the year but that is not a realistic goal and we are OK with it not officially happening until 2012. We are very aware that all of this is on God's time not our time anyway!
The lawyers plan to file the Petition to Adopt paperwork tomorrow. At that time things will get into motion with the home study. Then once that is complete we can file the finalization paperwork. Potentially we can be officially Sarah's parents by the end of January. What a great New year's kick off! In the mean time we have some important things coming up on the horizon. My very dear friends are throwing us an "adoption shower" to bless us with things that Sarah may need once she is here with us full time. I have to say that this idea is a very uncomfortable one for me. I receive so much more joy when I am the GIVER and not the RECEIVER. It is difficult for me! We have been super blessed though by so many and for that I am extremely grateful.
Also, we will be having the big "move in" with Sarah over the holiday break. Sometime through the weekend prior to Christmas weekend. She is going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at Nannas - the family just really wants this last Christmas morning together. We will then get her full time and do a trip to VA to see family. Jay and I will also both be taking FMLA during the month of January. With all that I have read it is very important to spend lots of time together in order for the bonding process to happen successfully and to also establish new roles and routines. I am getting very excited about spending all of this time together!
For those of you who have not seen pictures on facebook, here is a link of some photos of Sarah and the family:
https://picasaweb.google.com/TJMSTrekkers/Sarah
So - today marks an important day :D Truly another example of ONE MORE STEP...
What does this mean next? Well, we are going with a place called Love Links to do our home study. The director, Joy, and I have spoken briefly about what her needs are to complete the study and we will set our first appointment soon and get the required documentation to her. She let us know that there will be a required 4 visits (2 together with her and one with me alone and one with Jay alone). The lawyers office was hopeful that we could possibly try and fit these in very quickly and still get it done and through the courts by the end of the year but that is not a realistic goal and we are OK with it not officially happening until 2012. We are very aware that all of this is on God's time not our time anyway!
The lawyers plan to file the Petition to Adopt paperwork tomorrow. At that time things will get into motion with the home study. Then once that is complete we can file the finalization paperwork. Potentially we can be officially Sarah's parents by the end of January. What a great New year's kick off! In the mean time we have some important things coming up on the horizon. My very dear friends are throwing us an "adoption shower" to bless us with things that Sarah may need once she is here with us full time. I have to say that this idea is a very uncomfortable one for me. I receive so much more joy when I am the GIVER and not the RECEIVER. It is difficult for me! We have been super blessed though by so many and for that I am extremely grateful.
Also, we will be having the big "move in" with Sarah over the holiday break. Sometime through the weekend prior to Christmas weekend. She is going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at Nannas - the family just really wants this last Christmas morning together. We will then get her full time and do a trip to VA to see family. Jay and I will also both be taking FMLA during the month of January. With all that I have read it is very important to spend lots of time together in order for the bonding process to happen successfully and to also establish new roles and routines. I am getting very excited about spending all of this time together!
For those of you who have not seen pictures on facebook, here is a link of some photos of Sarah and the family:
https://picasaweb.google.com/TJMSTrekkers/Sarah
So - today marks an important day :D Truly another example of ONE MORE STEP...
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Adventures Part II
We had a great next couple of visits. We did the "lunch" thing, hung out at the house and played. Lots of fun! We were blessed by a friend of ours Donna Heinz who gave us an adorable Dora the Explorer kitchen with accessories, baby dolls with a doll high chair, doll bassinet, doll bathtub, and a variety of other items. We also have a friend Laura LeMay who was so kind to give us some items like a child's table and chairs, a cute vanity, and a doll house. All of these toys were a big hit with Sarah and she loves playing with them every time she is here. We are not used to doing all of that "girl play" but we are certainly getting used to it!
We also were able to put together her bed for her new room. We decided to use Evan's top bunk and painting it white. It works perfectly because it already has a rail (due to it being the top bunk) so she is safe to sleep in it. I then was excited to go out and pick out some bedding and some necessities for her room. I ended up finding a great quilt that is a beautiful pink and light green with flowers and butterflies (pink AND butterflies...I am in heaven) as well as sheets, a cute hamper, baskets for some toys, and a lamp. It is really looking like HER room! Just this evening we had another friend Susan Scott who offered to give us a dresser, desk, and shelf unit of white whicker to use in her room. Wow!
We were so excited at this point to have Sarah's family over for Thanksgiving. When I asked Nanna if she were interested in coming for Thanksgiving I wasn't quite sure what she would say. I suspected that it may be a little much to try and merge our families so early. However, it ended up working out just perfect. Nanna came with her daughter (who is our 16 year old son's age), her significant other "Paw Paw," GG and her significant other "Herb." So along with Sarah we had a full house! It was so nice to host this year and we were a little concerned about making the main course as we hadn't "done" Thanksgiving before as the host, however everything turned out great. Nanna and GG also brought pies and side dishes and it turned out to be a great meal!
Sarah ended up staying the night with us that night. She loved her NEW ROOM. She slept like a champ (as usual) and was very enamored with her "letters" which are the foam puzzle pieces that we have assembled like a rug on her floor. She didn't miss a beat the entire time she was with us during this overnight stay.
Since then we have done several other day visits that were much like the others. We were able to spend a day in the mountains with some friends getting their Christmas tree. We loved going out to lunch, doing a little shopping (for some new sunglasses...LOL), and ice cream in Blowing Rock with a romp in the park. Sarah was happy to see the "giant mountains." What a great day.
Finally, this past weekend, we began our full weekend visits. We picked her up on Friday and she didn't go back until Sunday. We had a very busy weekend planned! Saturday for lunch we did a special "lunch with Santa" program through the Piedmont Club. GG had set up the event for all of us to attend. We dressed up and took pictures. GG, Nanna, Jay, Sarah and myself all were in attendance. Lunch was delicious, and Sarah managed to acquiesce and sit on Santa's lap although we were not getting a smile out of her no matter what! At least she sat for us. We then got a babysitter (yes, it has been quite awhile since we have had to do THAT) so Jay and I could attend the youth leader Christmas party. She loved having Jordan play with her for the night and didn't miss a beat. Then we did our normal Sunday routine with church, lunch, etc. It is nice to know we are getting into some routines!
So, these have been our adventures to date. My hope is that I can continue to keep this blog current so we can share all of our blessings with our family and friends. We know this is not going to be an easy ride. We know we are going to face challenges. We know there will be some feelings of loss by Sarah as she adjusts to her new normal. She has asked about her mommy several times - saying she can't find her and that she is lost. It breaks our hearts to hear those words from her, however we know it is completely normal. We vow to be honest with her "Your mommy is in Missouri and can't be with you now but she loves you!" but not to make this adoption the center of her life - defining who she is. She is a gift of God and she will bless everyone she comes into contact with. We are humbled and delighted that we get to be part of HER STORY! One more step...
We also were able to put together her bed for her new room. We decided to use Evan's top bunk and painting it white. It works perfectly because it already has a rail (due to it being the top bunk) so she is safe to sleep in it. I then was excited to go out and pick out some bedding and some necessities for her room. I ended up finding a great quilt that is a beautiful pink and light green with flowers and butterflies (pink AND butterflies...I am in heaven) as well as sheets, a cute hamper, baskets for some toys, and a lamp. It is really looking like HER room! Just this evening we had another friend Susan Scott who offered to give us a dresser, desk, and shelf unit of white whicker to use in her room. Wow!
We were so excited at this point to have Sarah's family over for Thanksgiving. When I asked Nanna if she were interested in coming for Thanksgiving I wasn't quite sure what she would say. I suspected that it may be a little much to try and merge our families so early. However, it ended up working out just perfect. Nanna came with her daughter (who is our 16 year old son's age), her significant other "Paw Paw," GG and her significant other "Herb." So along with Sarah we had a full house! It was so nice to host this year and we were a little concerned about making the main course as we hadn't "done" Thanksgiving before as the host, however everything turned out great. Nanna and GG also brought pies and side dishes and it turned out to be a great meal!
Sarah ended up staying the night with us that night. She loved her NEW ROOM. She slept like a champ (as usual) and was very enamored with her "letters" which are the foam puzzle pieces that we have assembled like a rug on her floor. She didn't miss a beat the entire time she was with us during this overnight stay.
Since then we have done several other day visits that were much like the others. We were able to spend a day in the mountains with some friends getting their Christmas tree. We loved going out to lunch, doing a little shopping (for some new sunglasses...LOL), and ice cream in Blowing Rock with a romp in the park. Sarah was happy to see the "giant mountains." What a great day.
Finally, this past weekend, we began our full weekend visits. We picked her up on Friday and she didn't go back until Sunday. We had a very busy weekend planned! Saturday for lunch we did a special "lunch with Santa" program through the Piedmont Club. GG had set up the event for all of us to attend. We dressed up and took pictures. GG, Nanna, Jay, Sarah and myself all were in attendance. Lunch was delicious, and Sarah managed to acquiesce and sit on Santa's lap although we were not getting a smile out of her no matter what! At least she sat for us. We then got a babysitter (yes, it has been quite awhile since we have had to do THAT) so Jay and I could attend the youth leader Christmas party. She loved having Jordan play with her for the night and didn't miss a beat. Then we did our normal Sunday routine with church, lunch, etc. It is nice to know we are getting into some routines!
So, these have been our adventures to date. My hope is that I can continue to keep this blog current so we can share all of our blessings with our family and friends. We know this is not going to be an easy ride. We know we are going to face challenges. We know there will be some feelings of loss by Sarah as she adjusts to her new normal. She has asked about her mommy several times - saying she can't find her and that she is lost. It breaks our hearts to hear those words from her, however we know it is completely normal. We vow to be honest with her "Your mommy is in Missouri and can't be with you now but she loves you!" but not to make this adoption the center of her life - defining who she is. She is a gift of God and she will bless everyone she comes into contact with. We are humbled and delighted that we get to be part of HER STORY! One more step...
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Our adventures to date with Sarah and family Part I
We have been able to spend lots of time together lately which has been awesome. Every resource I have read (and if you know me, I have made it a research project) says that a gradual transition for kids at this age is best when you are adopting so that is the method we all agreed to take with Sarah. We started off with day visits. They have mostly come on Sundays as we love taking Sarah to church with us. We would get her Sunday mornings, go to church, sometimes out to lunch afterwards, home for play and a nap, then back to nanna before youth group. Makes for quite a busy Sunday but we don't mind a bit!
Our first Sunday together resulted in lunch out with Sarah, Jay, Evan and myself. We went to an old standby of Applebee's. We ordered Sarah her own meal and gave her choices. Nanna told us that she has no problem knowing what she wants so if you give her choices, she gladly makes the decision. What was so funny during the lunch is that she and Jay just were like 2 peas in a pod. She decided about mid-way through lunch that she would prefer to eat Jay's steak and veggies than her chicken and french fries. She found her way into his lap and gladly ate off of his plate. Jay didn't mind sharing :)
When we put Sarah down for her nap we realized what a great sleeper she was as well as how obedient she is. We discovered that when you put her in her bed and tell her to stay, she does what you ask. We realized at that point that we may not know how to raise THAT kind of kid! LOL. Our boys were always pushing the boundaries and staying in bed was not something they were very good at. I guess that some of our experience with our boys won't necessarily translate into raising Sarah - and that's just fine with us!
We also realized at this time that the boys would be just as "goo-like" as their father when it comes to Sarah. She has no problem bossing them (or the dog buddy) around. She tells them where to sit, what to play with along side her, and what she needs. They do pretty much everything she says because as Evan put it, "I just can't resist the cuteness!" We all kind of feel that way - can't resist the cuteness most of the time. Jacob is very involved with the busy life that many teenagers live. He has school, a job, and transportation available to him to see friends so he isn't around quite as much. He did realize very early on though the magnitude of the age difference between he and Sarah - his first thought was, "I will be 30 when she goes to prom!" Jay said, "That is alright because you can sit on the front porch with me and our shotguns to meet the poor lad who decides to try and date her!" They all think that is hilarious!
We ended up able to keep her on the holiday on the Friday following (president's day I think) and we got to hang out for the entire day. We went shopping at Goodwill (where we got a few toys to have around the house), played outside for awhile, met a new "friend" Alaina (one of the youth kids at church) and napped. Sarah stayed with us through dinner so that Jay could have some time with her also. Sarah has easily adapted to our household and seems to really enjoy her time here. In fact, that evening we were saying, "time to go back to nanna's house" and she was like, "NO I stay here!" Knowing that she feels comfortable and safe here in our home means the world to us. She finally went home that Friday night and spent the Sunday of that weekend with us again for the day.
So, our first couple of weeks worth of day visits with Sarah went swimmingly! We feel so blessed to know this little angel and we feel God's hand is on this entire situation for sure. She never once acted uncomfortable around our family. She seems genuinely excited to see us every time we get her. She is full of smiles and giggles whenever we see her and that brings us so much joy. I will continue with more adventures in the next installment of the blog - didn't want to write a novel on this one! One more step!
Our first Sunday together resulted in lunch out with Sarah, Jay, Evan and myself. We went to an old standby of Applebee's. We ordered Sarah her own meal and gave her choices. Nanna told us that she has no problem knowing what she wants so if you give her choices, she gladly makes the decision. What was so funny during the lunch is that she and Jay just were like 2 peas in a pod. She decided about mid-way through lunch that she would prefer to eat Jay's steak and veggies than her chicken and french fries. She found her way into his lap and gladly ate off of his plate. Jay didn't mind sharing :)
When we put Sarah down for her nap we realized what a great sleeper she was as well as how obedient she is. We discovered that when you put her in her bed and tell her to stay, she does what you ask. We realized at that point that we may not know how to raise THAT kind of kid! LOL. Our boys were always pushing the boundaries and staying in bed was not something they were very good at. I guess that some of our experience with our boys won't necessarily translate into raising Sarah - and that's just fine with us!
We also realized at this time that the boys would be just as "goo-like" as their father when it comes to Sarah. She has no problem bossing them (or the dog buddy) around. She tells them where to sit, what to play with along side her, and what she needs. They do pretty much everything she says because as Evan put it, "I just can't resist the cuteness!" We all kind of feel that way - can't resist the cuteness most of the time. Jacob is very involved with the busy life that many teenagers live. He has school, a job, and transportation available to him to see friends so he isn't around quite as much. He did realize very early on though the magnitude of the age difference between he and Sarah - his first thought was, "I will be 30 when she goes to prom!" Jay said, "That is alright because you can sit on the front porch with me and our shotguns to meet the poor lad who decides to try and date her!" They all think that is hilarious!
We ended up able to keep her on the holiday on the Friday following (president's day I think) and we got to hang out for the entire day. We went shopping at Goodwill (where we got a few toys to have around the house), played outside for awhile, met a new "friend" Alaina (one of the youth kids at church) and napped. Sarah stayed with us through dinner so that Jay could have some time with her also. Sarah has easily adapted to our household and seems to really enjoy her time here. In fact, that evening we were saying, "time to go back to nanna's house" and she was like, "NO I stay here!" Knowing that she feels comfortable and safe here in our home means the world to us. She finally went home that Friday night and spent the Sunday of that weekend with us again for the day.
So, our first couple of weeks worth of day visits with Sarah went swimmingly! We feel so blessed to know this little angel and we feel God's hand is on this entire situation for sure. She never once acted uncomfortable around our family. She seems genuinely excited to see us every time we get her. She is full of smiles and giggles whenever we see her and that brings us so much joy. I will continue with more adventures in the next installment of the blog - didn't want to write a novel on this one! One more step!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Where are we now legally?
Well, today was a very important day - November 30, 2011 marks the date where the last parent to sign over their legal parenting rights could change his mind. Yes, today was the last day for the bio father to say, "No, wait a minute - I don't really want to do this!" SS's last day to change her mind was on Friday November 25th. Looks like things are going to be a go! Does this mean that something could not go wrong? Of course not, but a HUGE hurdle is out of the way for us. This is how it works:
First, you must hire a family law/adoption attorney to draw up the paperwork. Then, they send it to the biological parents via a certified mail situation (to verify receipt). This alone could take up to 2 weeks (it was about 7-10 days for us). This packet (that was sent by the lawyer) included the following: Affidavit of Parentage, Adoption Health History, non-identifying background information, and the Consent to Adoption. They both got these packages independently and were required to fill them out, sign in front of the notary and send it back in the self addressed stamped envelope to the lawyer. We have received SS's package, and we are waiting on bio dad's package. According to him, it was sent out on Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
So how do I know that today is the last "change your mind day?" Well, in the state of NC, there is a 7 day wait period after the consent to adoption form is signed. Only 7 days? I was kind of surprised by the short time period actually. Different states have different laws governing this time period. I am glad I am in NC and have a short time to wait (those of you that know me well are aware at my inability to wait patiently - especially with stuff like this)! During this time, the birth parents are able to revoke their agreement to choose adoption. Usually this happens in newborn situations where the mother gives birth to the baby, signs the form, and then decides she can not go through with the decision. In cases like ours, where the child is older and the biological parents were the impetus of the adoption, it is less likely to occur. The clock starts ticking when the notary signs the forms along with the birth parents. SS signed on Friday the 18th (hence the 25th deadline) and the bio father signed Wednesday the 23rd (hence the 30th deadline). Therefore, even though we haven't gotten the papers from bio dad yet, we know that the stamped date was on the 24th.
So what does that mean now? Well, as we had agreed, now that this piece is taken care of, we are going to start keeping Sarah on the weekends for awhile to continue her gradual adjustment into our home. We feel that this method is the best for her. We need to now hear back from the lawyer, sign our part of the paperwork so they can file with the courts and then get our home study started. The home study consists of 3 visits from a licensed social worker who will determine if our home is "fit" for an adopted child (Uh oh - we may be in trouble! LOL) Most of this part is just the "formality" of adoption. The tough waiting is now done. It would be near impossible for the birth parents to back out of this now. Unfortunately, it could still take up to 6 months for the court system red tape to be completed and the adoption to become FINAL. I look forward to that day very much. Until then.....One More Step is complete! :)
First, you must hire a family law/adoption attorney to draw up the paperwork. Then, they send it to the biological parents via a certified mail situation (to verify receipt). This alone could take up to 2 weeks (it was about 7-10 days for us). This packet (that was sent by the lawyer) included the following: Affidavit of Parentage, Adoption Health History, non-identifying background information, and the Consent to Adoption. They both got these packages independently and were required to fill them out, sign in front of the notary and send it back in the self addressed stamped envelope to the lawyer. We have received SS's package, and we are waiting on bio dad's package. According to him, it was sent out on Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
So how do I know that today is the last "change your mind day?" Well, in the state of NC, there is a 7 day wait period after the consent to adoption form is signed. Only 7 days? I was kind of surprised by the short time period actually. Different states have different laws governing this time period. I am glad I am in NC and have a short time to wait (those of you that know me well are aware at my inability to wait patiently - especially with stuff like this)! During this time, the birth parents are able to revoke their agreement to choose adoption. Usually this happens in newborn situations where the mother gives birth to the baby, signs the form, and then decides she can not go through with the decision. In cases like ours, where the child is older and the biological parents were the impetus of the adoption, it is less likely to occur. The clock starts ticking when the notary signs the forms along with the birth parents. SS signed on Friday the 18th (hence the 25th deadline) and the bio father signed Wednesday the 23rd (hence the 30th deadline). Therefore, even though we haven't gotten the papers from bio dad yet, we know that the stamped date was on the 24th.
So what does that mean now? Well, as we had agreed, now that this piece is taken care of, we are going to start keeping Sarah on the weekends for awhile to continue her gradual adjustment into our home. We feel that this method is the best for her. We need to now hear back from the lawyer, sign our part of the paperwork so they can file with the courts and then get our home study started. The home study consists of 3 visits from a licensed social worker who will determine if our home is "fit" for an adopted child (Uh oh - we may be in trouble! LOL) Most of this part is just the "formality" of adoption. The tough waiting is now done. It would be near impossible for the birth parents to back out of this now. Unfortunately, it could still take up to 6 months for the court system red tape to be completed and the adoption to become FINAL. I look forward to that day very much. Until then.....One More Step is complete! :)
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Getting to know Sarah
So, yeah, we weren't going to spend time with Sarah until we were SURE we would be adopting - well that didn't last very long! We were so anxious to get to know the sweet angel that we had seen from time to time at church. We ended up setting up a play date with Sarah and Nanna at the park to spend an hour or so with her on a Saturday soon after we had met with the lawyers.
When we got there Sarah was in a happy mood (which we would learn is always the case!) She was excited to swing, go down the slide and just run around. It was uncanny how she just took to the two of us immediately. She was clearly comfortable with us. We just followed her lead - and soon realized she LIKES to be the leader - she had no problem telling us where we were supposed to stand and what we were supposed to do. There was no question that Sarah had a mind of her own for sure! She insisted on going down the BIG SLIDE over and over - the girl has no fear (uh-oh). We also learned about her love for Sunglasses. She LOVES LOVES LOVES her pink sunglasses - and if there is even a sliver of a ray of sunshine she must be wearing them. We also learned that she loves Dora the Explorer - we had brought a set of Dora books with us when we met her and she LOVED reading them with both of us. We were learning that she is an easy going young lady with a constant smile and adorable giggle. I learned from her Nanna that day that she was super smart too. She recognizes all of her capital letters already (remember she is 2 1/2), she knows her numbers and colors. She speaks in full sentences and uses upper level vocabulary. Wow! This was a big change from our older boys - they couldn't speak words that we understood until well into year 3. LOL.
When we left that day, Nanna asked if we wanted to spend the day Sunday with her. We were excited about bringing her to church and spending the day together and we were excited to say an absolute YES! Again, we were wanting to wait on any overnight visits, but day visits would be great. We agreed that this would be a gradual process of bringing her into our home full time and it would be ideal for us to start with day visits, then weekend visits and then eventually full time. We weren't sure of a time line exactly, but we were going with our gut and trusting that God would work out the details. This is when we decided to just use the idea of ONE STEP AT A TIME to get through this waiting process. The waiting can really kill you if you let it. I heard over and over, "have the 7 days started? When is she yours? Will she be yours soon? When does the paperwork get sent out? etc." We just didn't know all of the answers, but we did know that God was the one in charge and we were just along for the ride!
What else did we learn about Sarah in our first weekend together? She will eat just about anything you put in front of her. She listens like a champ. She loves to boss around our dog (who is smaller than her so that makes her feel like a big girl). She naps when you tell her too (although if you ask her if its time to nap she either responds with "I wake up!" or "2 more minutes"). She loves Evan and Jacob and can get them to do just about anything for her. She has been loved and nurtured her entire life. She has no problem attaching to other people. She is shy when she first meets you but will warm up after awhile. She loves to watch "my shows" which means Dora the Explorer! She would rather eat off of your plate than have one of her own. She has the best hugs and kisses ever!
Well that was our first weekend together. Since then we have spent at least one day each weekend together continuing to get to know one another. She calls me "Cindy" still because mommy already has meaning for her and it means someone else. We will get through that part over time. She calls Jay "Daddy Jay" because she doesn't have another daddy to confuse that name with. We didn't stick to our guns and have NO OVERNIGHTS until all paperwork is signed and sealed. We had her overnight one Thursday because Nanna had a late night event she had to attend. She did great - slept all night and was a good listener and easy to get ready for daycare the next morning.
Stay tuned for "Where are we now" concerning the legal process and our adventures together with Sarah and the family. One more post and I think I will have the time caught up! Thanks for reading...
When we got there Sarah was in a happy mood (which we would learn is always the case!) She was excited to swing, go down the slide and just run around. It was uncanny how she just took to the two of us immediately. She was clearly comfortable with us. We just followed her lead - and soon realized she LIKES to be the leader - she had no problem telling us where we were supposed to stand and what we were supposed to do. There was no question that Sarah had a mind of her own for sure! She insisted on going down the BIG SLIDE over and over - the girl has no fear (uh-oh). We also learned about her love for Sunglasses. She LOVES LOVES LOVES her pink sunglasses - and if there is even a sliver of a ray of sunshine she must be wearing them. We also learned that she loves Dora the Explorer - we had brought a set of Dora books with us when we met her and she LOVED reading them with both of us. We were learning that she is an easy going young lady with a constant smile and adorable giggle. I learned from her Nanna that day that she was super smart too. She recognizes all of her capital letters already (remember she is 2 1/2), she knows her numbers and colors. She speaks in full sentences and uses upper level vocabulary. Wow! This was a big change from our older boys - they couldn't speak words that we understood until well into year 3. LOL.
When we left that day, Nanna asked if we wanted to spend the day Sunday with her. We were excited about bringing her to church and spending the day together and we were excited to say an absolute YES! Again, we were wanting to wait on any overnight visits, but day visits would be great. We agreed that this would be a gradual process of bringing her into our home full time and it would be ideal for us to start with day visits, then weekend visits and then eventually full time. We weren't sure of a time line exactly, but we were going with our gut and trusting that God would work out the details. This is when we decided to just use the idea of ONE STEP AT A TIME to get through this waiting process. The waiting can really kill you if you let it. I heard over and over, "have the 7 days started? When is she yours? Will she be yours soon? When does the paperwork get sent out? etc." We just didn't know all of the answers, but we did know that God was the one in charge and we were just along for the ride!
What else did we learn about Sarah in our first weekend together? She will eat just about anything you put in front of her. She listens like a champ. She loves to boss around our dog (who is smaller than her so that makes her feel like a big girl). She naps when you tell her too (although if you ask her if its time to nap she either responds with "I wake up!" or "2 more minutes"). She loves Evan and Jacob and can get them to do just about anything for her. She has been loved and nurtured her entire life. She has no problem attaching to other people. She is shy when she first meets you but will warm up after awhile. She loves to watch "my shows" which means Dora the Explorer! She would rather eat off of your plate than have one of her own. She has the best hugs and kisses ever!
Well that was our first weekend together. Since then we have spent at least one day each weekend together continuing to get to know one another. She calls me "Cindy" still because mommy already has meaning for her and it means someone else. We will get through that part over time. She calls Jay "Daddy Jay" because she doesn't have another daddy to confuse that name with. We didn't stick to our guns and have NO OVERNIGHTS until all paperwork is signed and sealed. We had her overnight one Thursday because Nanna had a late night event she had to attend. She did great - slept all night and was a good listener and easy to get ready for daycare the next morning.
Stay tuned for "Where are we now" concerning the legal process and our adventures together with Sarah and the family. One more post and I think I will have the time caught up! Thanks for reading...
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Step ONE of the journey
So, now you know the background of how this adoption journey started. Our mantra through this entire process has been "One more step" because if you try to process all of it all at once, it would be like drinking from a fire hose!
Once I spoke with SS's mom I felt more certain that this was for real and it was really going to happen. Of course, I was not willing to put myself really out there right away. You have to protect yourself somewhat you know. I asked a very great friend of mine Jena Penner who has been in the adoption circle for awhile now (she adopted 2 kids from Uganda to add to her 4 biokids to make their "6-pack") and asked her some of the basic questions. Things like, "How long does this take? Who do I need to contact? How soon can we have her spend time with us? etc." She had a few answers and gave me some great resources to use as I began the research process.
One of the first things I learned is that in North Carolina there is a 7 day waiting period, "the you can change your mind" time where the biological parents can back out. Usually this happens after the birth (when newborns are adopted) but it also applies in older child adoptions as well. This period begins once the biological parents sign over their parental rights. I was kind of shocked it was such a short period of time, but relieved at the same time. I also learned that we had choices as to going through an adoption agency (which would be expensive) or go through an adoption attorney. We chose to find a family law attorney that handled adoptions.
For all of you locals that listen to WBFJ you will recognize the attorneys of Hartsoe and Associates. We chose to schedule an appointment with them to find out about how to get this process started. I got the basic information I needed from SS's mom (by now we are communicating almost daily) about SS and the birth father. I phoned the birth father's parents to let them know what was going on. They agreed to contact the birth father and give him the basics of what was happening. They shared with me that there wouldn't be any contesting on his part and to just keep him in the loop of what was happening with the adoption.
So off to the lawyer we go. I had a huge list of questions - anyone who knows me has experienced the fact that when I am faced with something I turn it into a research project. When we found out my older son had ADD and a Learning Disability, I became an expert on those subjects. When my younger son began to have hair falling out and eventually became bald, I became and expert on Alopecia. This was no different for me. I wanted to know everything I needed to know so that I had a handle on how this whole thing was going to work. As it turns out, we ended up just talking more than anything with the attorney and he gave us the run down on how things would play out. There are no guarantees, it could take time, and he would be available and keep us in the loop through the entire process. We felt like we could trust him and agreed to get the ball rolling.
During this entire time, there continued to be an open dialogue with SS. She continued to seem steadfast in her decision despite some contrary opinions of people in her life. She assured me that this decision was made and she was going to stick to it. You know how that is though, couldn't really trust it. We decided not to begin visiting with Sarah until after the 7 day wait period was over - just to try and protect our hearts. SS's mom (from now on I will refer to her as Nana) understood and said she was willing to begin visiting whenever we were ready. We signed our agreement with the law firm and the waiting now began.
Stay tuned for the next installment of the "paperwork process." Our journey was just beginning...
Once I spoke with SS's mom I felt more certain that this was for real and it was really going to happen. Of course, I was not willing to put myself really out there right away. You have to protect yourself somewhat you know. I asked a very great friend of mine Jena Penner who has been in the adoption circle for awhile now (she adopted 2 kids from Uganda to add to her 4 biokids to make their "6-pack") and asked her some of the basic questions. Things like, "How long does this take? Who do I need to contact? How soon can we have her spend time with us? etc." She had a few answers and gave me some great resources to use as I began the research process.
One of the first things I learned is that in North Carolina there is a 7 day waiting period, "the you can change your mind" time where the biological parents can back out. Usually this happens after the birth (when newborns are adopted) but it also applies in older child adoptions as well. This period begins once the biological parents sign over their parental rights. I was kind of shocked it was such a short period of time, but relieved at the same time. I also learned that we had choices as to going through an adoption agency (which would be expensive) or go through an adoption attorney. We chose to find a family law attorney that handled adoptions.
For all of you locals that listen to WBFJ you will recognize the attorneys of Hartsoe and Associates. We chose to schedule an appointment with them to find out about how to get this process started. I got the basic information I needed from SS's mom (by now we are communicating almost daily) about SS and the birth father. I phoned the birth father's parents to let them know what was going on. They agreed to contact the birth father and give him the basics of what was happening. They shared with me that there wouldn't be any contesting on his part and to just keep him in the loop of what was happening with the adoption.
So off to the lawyer we go. I had a huge list of questions - anyone who knows me has experienced the fact that when I am faced with something I turn it into a research project. When we found out my older son had ADD and a Learning Disability, I became an expert on those subjects. When my younger son began to have hair falling out and eventually became bald, I became and expert on Alopecia. This was no different for me. I wanted to know everything I needed to know so that I had a handle on how this whole thing was going to work. As it turns out, we ended up just talking more than anything with the attorney and he gave us the run down on how things would play out. There are no guarantees, it could take time, and he would be available and keep us in the loop through the entire process. We felt like we could trust him and agreed to get the ball rolling.
During this entire time, there continued to be an open dialogue with SS. She continued to seem steadfast in her decision despite some contrary opinions of people in her life. She assured me that this decision was made and she was going to stick to it. You know how that is though, couldn't really trust it. We decided not to begin visiting with Sarah until after the 7 day wait period was over - just to try and protect our hearts. SS's mom (from now on I will refer to her as Nana) understood and said she was willing to begin visiting whenever we were ready. We signed our agreement with the law firm and the waiting now began.
Stay tuned for the next installment of the "paperwork process." Our journey was just beginning...
How our adoption journey started
I decided to blog about this so I have a record of our journey to share with Sarah when she is older and able to understand. Here it goes..
So, we are on the adoption train. Really? How in the world did this happen? What about that comment we always said to folks about starting our family early..."We will be in our 40's when the kids leave home! Party time!" Well all has changed!
Where did this adoption journey start? Well, it started about 7 or 8 years ago. We felt a pull in our heart to adopt. We felt we were getting nudges about looking into the possibility. We researched, sent for information from adoption services, etc. However, we just never felt the final push to pull the trigger. We have friends that have adopted and admired their journey and supported them in their endeavors but we just didn't feel like it was the right time. It never became the right time for us.
Then, 3 years ago we were faced with a situation personal to us regarding adoption. I remember the night very clearly. You see, I am a youth leader at my church and have developed some amazing connections with some amazing kids. I cherish my mentor - student relationships with my youth girls. I don't have biological girl children, or even any nieces to bond with. My high school youth girls mean the world to me. They are like my own kids! One youth ministry meeting in the fall of 2008 I was approached by some girls regarding one of our youth kids who was especially upset. I went to her to speak with her and pray with her. Turns out her sister (who was 15 at the time) was pregnant and considering abortion. She was very adamant that abortion was wrong and desperately wanted to talk some sense into her sister! I also knew her sister well (as I was her youth leader specifically - not to mention her 7th grade math teacher back in the day) and I told her immediately that she needed to tell her sister that we would adopt her baby no matter what and she did not need to abort! I urged her to tell her sister and her mom to call me right away so we could talk.
Amazingly, the 15 year old (for the purposes of this blog I will call her SS) decided not to abort and was happy with the idea of an open adoption between our families. I was thrilled at the prospect of parenting again, although very overwhelmed at the thought of a newborn. At the time my own boys were 10 and 13 so it had been quite awhile since we did the "baby thing." I was willing to go there, though, because it meant a better life for that baby and a way for SS to preserve her childhood. Everyone seemed to be on board in thinking this was the best plan for this family.
Around Christmas time that year (baby was due in April) SS was still going back and forth, back and forth with her decision to parent or to choose adoption. She is the type of teenager that could never get enough attention, loved creating drama, and very indecisive about most things (well, that is probably like most teens right? She was to the max though!). Jay and I never became "all in" with the adoption plan at this point because she was so wishy washy. We decided that she needed to have a specific date to make a final decision so we could get the legal side of things going. We gave her until the first of the year. When January 1, 2009 came, she just couldn't make that mature decision to choose adoption. I think she was concerned with all of the attention following the baby to us and away from her. She desperately wanted someone to love her deeply. She had no idea how hard it would be even though all of the adults in her life tried to advise her about it. She was just a lost 15 year old who couldn't make that difficult choice.
We felt at that time disappointed but not crushed. We never let ourselves get completely taken in and said to ourselves that if the only purpose God had for us in this journey was to disrupt the abortion decision, then we were used in mighty way and were honored to fill that role. Throughout the course of the birth (I went to the hospital to see the family. Pray with them, etc.) and the first several years of Sarah's life (yes, she had a girl named Sarah Elizabeth) I continued to check in on the family frequently. I would see SS and Sarah at church from time to time. I helped SS with a class she was taking about teacher education. I prayed for them a lot. One thing that I wouldn't let happen, however, was to be taken advantage of by SS. She would try to get us to watch Sarah for long weekends or take on some care taking roles, but we would always respond by saying, "you can both come over!" because we wanted her to take on the parenting responsibilities that she chose to have.
About 2 months ago we found out that SS was moving to her hometown in Missouri. She is still seeking for approval from her father (who never had much to do with her growing up) and this is where her father lives. She didn't like the fact that her mother held her responsible for taking care of Sarah. She didn't like that her mother was making her find a job and go to school. She didn't want her mother to have a say in who she was dating, etc. She was ready to leave the state and start over....with Sarah in tow. We were all very worried about her taking Sarah with her since she didn't have a job and about $100 and a tank of gas to her name. Her mom talked her into leaving Sarah here with the hope that another family member would bring her to MO around the time of the holidays once they were all settled. SS agreed to this plan.
So, the day she was leaving was a Sunday. She came to church that morning so she could say goodbye to all of us that continued to mentor and support her. I asked if she would step out alone with me so I could pray with her. I told her at that time that my wish for her was to be successful and happy doing exactly what God put her on this earth to do. I also shared with her that the offer to adopt was never off of the table, and she needed to know that. I also encouraged her to really pray about what she wanted for herself and her daughter as she was getting time away from the situation for awhile. I sincerely wanted the best for her and her family and I would always be there to pray, talk, or anything else she needed. She left that day with the boyfriend, leaving Sarah with her mom.
About a month after SS left, I get a phone call - on a Friday night after Jay and our youngest Evan left for a middle school church retreat with youth. It was SS. She was very sombre and said she needed to talk. I told her I would always be there to listen. She proceeded to ask me if we would adopt Sarah. I was in shock. I really thought that journey was over. I really did! She said that she wanted Sarah to have a home with a mom and dad and brothers who love her and give her the opportunities she wouldn't get if she stayed with SS. I asked what she wanted us to do next and she said to start the paperwork. Wow - crazy right? I made it clear that we weren't willing to go on a roller coaster ride again - no yes today no tomorrow type of journey. I said that it would KILL ME if we started the process and it didn't go through. She promised that this was for real this time and she would not do that to me again. I called Jay after I got off of the phone with SS and he was just as shocked as I was. He had a body of believers who had been on this journey with us who supported him all weekend and it was amazing!
So - we are adopting - what a crazy ride this has been. Stay tuned to the next article on what happened next.
So, we are on the adoption train. Really? How in the world did this happen? What about that comment we always said to folks about starting our family early..."We will be in our 40's when the kids leave home! Party time!" Well all has changed!
Where did this adoption journey start? Well, it started about 7 or 8 years ago. We felt a pull in our heart to adopt. We felt we were getting nudges about looking into the possibility. We researched, sent for information from adoption services, etc. However, we just never felt the final push to pull the trigger. We have friends that have adopted and admired their journey and supported them in their endeavors but we just didn't feel like it was the right time. It never became the right time for us.
Then, 3 years ago we were faced with a situation personal to us regarding adoption. I remember the night very clearly. You see, I am a youth leader at my church and have developed some amazing connections with some amazing kids. I cherish my mentor - student relationships with my youth girls. I don't have biological girl children, or even any nieces to bond with. My high school youth girls mean the world to me. They are like my own kids! One youth ministry meeting in the fall of 2008 I was approached by some girls regarding one of our youth kids who was especially upset. I went to her to speak with her and pray with her. Turns out her sister (who was 15 at the time) was pregnant and considering abortion. She was very adamant that abortion was wrong and desperately wanted to talk some sense into her sister! I also knew her sister well (as I was her youth leader specifically - not to mention her 7th grade math teacher back in the day) and I told her immediately that she needed to tell her sister that we would adopt her baby no matter what and she did not need to abort! I urged her to tell her sister and her mom to call me right away so we could talk.
Amazingly, the 15 year old (for the purposes of this blog I will call her SS) decided not to abort and was happy with the idea of an open adoption between our families. I was thrilled at the prospect of parenting again, although very overwhelmed at the thought of a newborn. At the time my own boys were 10 and 13 so it had been quite awhile since we did the "baby thing." I was willing to go there, though, because it meant a better life for that baby and a way for SS to preserve her childhood. Everyone seemed to be on board in thinking this was the best plan for this family.
Around Christmas time that year (baby was due in April) SS was still going back and forth, back and forth with her decision to parent or to choose adoption. She is the type of teenager that could never get enough attention, loved creating drama, and very indecisive about most things (well, that is probably like most teens right? She was to the max though!). Jay and I never became "all in" with the adoption plan at this point because she was so wishy washy. We decided that she needed to have a specific date to make a final decision so we could get the legal side of things going. We gave her until the first of the year. When January 1, 2009 came, she just couldn't make that mature decision to choose adoption. I think she was concerned with all of the attention following the baby to us and away from her. She desperately wanted someone to love her deeply. She had no idea how hard it would be even though all of the adults in her life tried to advise her about it. She was just a lost 15 year old who couldn't make that difficult choice.
We felt at that time disappointed but not crushed. We never let ourselves get completely taken in and said to ourselves that if the only purpose God had for us in this journey was to disrupt the abortion decision, then we were used in mighty way and were honored to fill that role. Throughout the course of the birth (I went to the hospital to see the family. Pray with them, etc.) and the first several years of Sarah's life (yes, she had a girl named Sarah Elizabeth) I continued to check in on the family frequently. I would see SS and Sarah at church from time to time. I helped SS with a class she was taking about teacher education. I prayed for them a lot. One thing that I wouldn't let happen, however, was to be taken advantage of by SS. She would try to get us to watch Sarah for long weekends or take on some care taking roles, but we would always respond by saying, "you can both come over!" because we wanted her to take on the parenting responsibilities that she chose to have.
About 2 months ago we found out that SS was moving to her hometown in Missouri. She is still seeking for approval from her father (who never had much to do with her growing up) and this is where her father lives. She didn't like the fact that her mother held her responsible for taking care of Sarah. She didn't like that her mother was making her find a job and go to school. She didn't want her mother to have a say in who she was dating, etc. She was ready to leave the state and start over....with Sarah in tow. We were all very worried about her taking Sarah with her since she didn't have a job and about $100 and a tank of gas to her name. Her mom talked her into leaving Sarah here with the hope that another family member would bring her to MO around the time of the holidays once they were all settled. SS agreed to this plan.
So, the day she was leaving was a Sunday. She came to church that morning so she could say goodbye to all of us that continued to mentor and support her. I asked if she would step out alone with me so I could pray with her. I told her at that time that my wish for her was to be successful and happy doing exactly what God put her on this earth to do. I also shared with her that the offer to adopt was never off of the table, and she needed to know that. I also encouraged her to really pray about what she wanted for herself and her daughter as she was getting time away from the situation for awhile. I sincerely wanted the best for her and her family and I would always be there to pray, talk, or anything else she needed. She left that day with the boyfriend, leaving Sarah with her mom.
About a month after SS left, I get a phone call - on a Friday night after Jay and our youngest Evan left for a middle school church retreat with youth. It was SS. She was very sombre and said she needed to talk. I told her I would always be there to listen. She proceeded to ask me if we would adopt Sarah. I was in shock. I really thought that journey was over. I really did! She said that she wanted Sarah to have a home with a mom and dad and brothers who love her and give her the opportunities she wouldn't get if she stayed with SS. I asked what she wanted us to do next and she said to start the paperwork. Wow - crazy right? I made it clear that we weren't willing to go on a roller coaster ride again - no yes today no tomorrow type of journey. I said that it would KILL ME if we started the process and it didn't go through. She promised that this was for real this time and she would not do that to me again. I called Jay after I got off of the phone with SS and he was just as shocked as I was. He had a body of believers who had been on this journey with us who supported him all weekend and it was amazing!
So - we are adopting - what a crazy ride this has been. Stay tuned to the next article on what happened next.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)